Empathy is the most important skill you can practice. It will lead to greater success personally and professionally and will allow you to become happier the more you practice.
I've never considered myself a real programmer. I know at this point it's probably silly to say, but I started my scholastic and professional life as a musician, and I've never quite recovered from the impostor syndrome that comes with making such a shift. One of the faux-self-deprecations I use to describe myself is: "I'm a people person who just happens to express this tendency through programming and technology projects."
This seems a bit ironic, because I'm also a very strong introvert. I recharge when I'm alone or in very small groups of people (no more than two including myself is ideal) and I exhaust myself in crowds or in constant discussion. But, on reflection, this all fits together perfectly. The reason crowds of people exhaust me is that I am constantly trying to read and understand the feelings and motivations of those around me. If I could just go through life talking and not listening, hearing but not processing, alone time and time in groups wouldn't be so different for me. But I can't, and I obviously don't think I should.



Coming back to the impostor-syndrome-induced self-identification as a "people person" rather than a programmer, I guess when I say that I'm probably right. I spend much more time and much more effort learning how to understand the people around me than I do code, systems, architectures, and technologies. I'm not an expert or even remarkable at it, but I work on it consciously and consistently. The it I'm describing here is called "empathy":


the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner—Merriam Webster
As exhausting as it is for me, this is the primary reason for the success and good fortune I've enjoyed in my life.

Why Practice Empathy?

Why should you explicitly work to enhance your ability to empathize with others?


  • You will be more likely to treat the people you care about the way they wish you would treat them.
  • You will better understand the needs of people around you.
  • You will more clearly understand the perception you create in others with your words and actions.
  • You will understand the unspoken parts of your communication with others.
  • You will better understand the needs of your customers at work.
  • You will have less trouble dealing with interpersonal conflict both at home and at work.
  • You will be able to more accurately predict the actions and reactions of people you interact with.
  • You will learn how to motivate the people around you.
  • You will more effectively convince others of your point of view.
  • You will experience the world in higher resolution as you perceive through not only your perspective but the perspectives of those around you.
  • You will find it easier to deal with the negativity of others if you can better understand their motivations and fears. Lately when I find myself personally struggling with someone, I remind myself to empathize and I immediately calm myself and accept the situation for what it is.
You will be a better leader, a better follower, and most important, a better friend.